(Part 1) 10 Helpful Relationship Tips

Frankly speaking, relationship tips can be found on any dating advice website, however there seemed to be no practical tips which really helped my relationship.  Nevertheless, as someone who has been in multiple relationships before (hence is quite informed with the consequences of one going sour), and is currently in one, I would like to share some of my very own helpful tips which have improved aspects of my relationship. These tips can apply to anyone – whether you’re new to relationships, couples who have had previous dating experience but are unsure of how they can connect with their new partner, or those who you who have been in long-term relationships that probably need some reviving.  I’ve created my own set of relationship tips because I’ve noticed that they have helped my partner and I in many ways throughout the course of our relationship, and most of all, having guide through these tips have really brought my partner and I closer together emotionally, physically, and mentally.

1.  Don’t bottle up your issues/problems; communicate them with your partner
This literally comes up everywhere!  You may think that communicating your issues or problems are not as easy as they seem when it actually is.  However, learning how to properly communicate your problems can take time, and even years (as it did for me) to master as you’re probably just used to venting out all the anger on your partner.  Next time, try to filter out the anger and frustration by taking deep breaths in and out, as this will release any tension in your body; next, focus on the mind, keep as calm as possible, and then explain to your partner why you feel the way you do, and what can be done to eliminate the negative aura.  By doing this, you will feel a whole lot better as you’ve gotten the truth out there to your partner rather than keeping it all to yourself in the dark.  But one thing to note is that your partner will never know what the issue/problem is if you don’t tell them, hence they’re not at fault if they can’t help you, and you can’t help them by relaying your issues/problems – oh, and never ever assume that they will know what’s wrong because they most likely won’t!  Remember, in order to resolve something, communication is key!
Don’t: keep things to yourself because this will only agitate you more (especially in the future) + ignoring it can be so simple but it doesn’t fix the problem!

2. First dates never get old so don’t be afraid to go on as many as you want
First dates are amazing because not only do they give you butterflies, but they are also the very first encounters you have as two people dating for the first time.  However, people often forget about “dates” in general, because they think that the first one they had at the start of the relationship was truly the only one!  But this is not the case, and what you’ll find is that going out on dates more often that not (regardless of age and years spent together) is truly a fantastic testament to the quality and fun of one’s relationship.
Don’t: make excuses and say you don’t have time for dates anymore because going out for a quick lunch, or even watching a movie together can be a simple date.

3. Make time for each other, but also make space when you need it
Not creating qualitative time for each other when taken over by busy schedules can be damaging, because this could potentially take a toll on both people’s emotive and loving states.  Video/calling, taking a stroll at the park, and eating out together, are just some of the recommended suggestions for those of you who want to spend more time with your partner but in a limited time-frame.  These ideas are quite simple, but can also be very hard to achieve if your partner works day/night shifts which are opposite to you, or if both of you are in a long-distance relationship hence, in two different time-zones.

But sometimes, some of us want space from our partners when spending too much time together can cause distractions, or take away the focus on something important.  As such, it is fundamental that you make space when necessary, but not so much as to distance yourself from the realms of your love for another.  Getting some of your own space helps because it puts you back on task, makes it enjoyable to be free and alone for once, and even helps when you’re simply angry at your partner for no reason.
Don’t: think that just because you are in a relationship with someones means that you have to spend every second or minute together, because that is not what being in a relationship is all about. Remember quality, not quantity.

4. Boost your partner’s confidence and self-esteem by complimenting them
Remember that time prior to dating? Or even in the early stages of your relationship when you used to tell him how handsome, smart and amazing he was, or tell her how beautiful, ambitious, and lucky you were to have her?  As time goes on, we become forgetful, or even find it unnecessary to compliment our partners – but what I’ve learnt is that by complimenting your partner occasionally can really help them feel a whole lot better about themselves.  There is no need for overly-done, cheesy, and crazy sayings, but rather compliments like “you look really nice today”, or “I believe in you”, which are small, simple yet meaningful.
Don’t: crap on your partner’s face and feelings by saying how unattractive they’ve become, or how terrible they are when completing tasks. This just makes them feel inadequate, and further lowers their self-esteem not only around you, but also around others.

5. Talk about the future and any plans you might have in place
Young couples, in particular, fear that relaying their thoughts on the future can affect the prospect of their relationship. However, I’ve realised that it’s often better to communicate these thoughts now, rather than later.  There are always going to be downsides to everything such as when your partner tells you how they want to work overseas, or the fact that they don’t want any children at all. However, there are also going to be upsides such as knowing when to get married, proposing goals and working towards those goals, or wanting to commit to a long distance relationship if one wishes to pursue their dream of working in another country.  Essentially, there will always be obstacles to overcome, and different wants/opinions on how to conduct the future. But always remember that there are also going to be many ways to work around it to arrive at mutual agreements, whether for better or for worse.
Don’t: be afraid to relay your inner thoughts of what you want, or don’t want in your future, because I am sure your partner would love to hear them and and also let you know of theirs.

6. Discuss grey areas in the relationship which might need improvement 
So I know some couples want that ideal, perfect, and zero arguing kind of relationship, but they don’t exist to put it simply and bluntly.  However, it doesn’t mean you can’t dream of anything more or of the like, because if you really want to work towards that kind of relationship, then you have to be practical about resolving all the grey areas in your relationship regardless of the circumstances.  And truth be told, the only way to fix these grey areas is to discuss it with your partner.  Discussion has to begin at the root of the problem that needs improving, and then building a solution, or goal you and your partner will work towards.  This is the only way your relationship will achieve a better outcome if you’re willing to improve those grey areas.
Don’t: be dismissive of what you or your partner can’t do to improve certain aspects of the relationship, because everything takes time, and eventually, you will start to see better results if you have a goal to work towards.

(P.S. my definition of a grey area are aspects of a relationship (e.g. affection, arguments, commitment, time spent together, etc.) which needs to be worked on to perhaps improve the liveliness, or foundation of a relationship).

7. Distribute things fairly and equally
The old saying goes that men should be the one to pay for all the expenses in the relationship, but that is absolutely not true, and not in my relationship anyways.  I believe that if two people are in a relationship, then expenses should be distributed equally and fairly.  For example, if my partner and I were to eat out together, then the rule is we pay half-half if sharing, or pay our fair share of what we order individually.  I think it’s quite ridiculous that men have to maintain this image where they’re compelled, or forced to always treat their woman.  Because that (to me) is very demeaning towards men, and just goes to show that the woman is a princess/spoilt brat that doesn’t understand the meaning of equality among other things.  So ladies, men are not your credit card, and don’t put the blame on them, or their salaries when they’re financially struggling to keep up with all your expenses.
Also, if you feel guilty that your partner is paying for all your expenses then return the favour; so simple.
Don’t: be selfish and get your man/partner to pay for all your expenses; pay for what you get.

8. Reflect on the feelings and emotions you both felt for each other prior to dating
This is one way which gets me looking back to the past, which at present, helps me in expressing my affection towards my partner.  I think as time goes by, we begin to feel less attached/sparks with our partners, but in no way does that mean it’s the end of the road and time to leave him/her.  Instead, do some soul-searching by retrieving those strong feelings and emotions you first felt, and developed for your partner in the beginning of the relationship.  The way to do this is to look deep within yourself and think, what did my partner do that made me really happy? Or even looking back at memorable moments such as the first time you held hands, hugged, kissed, and even the more intimate moments which made you feel all giddy.  Moreover, there is nothing cheesy talking about these moments with your partner because what you’re also actually doing is reliving those moments in the present, and this is a massive step towards the process of feeling the joys of being in love again.
Don’t: assume that there are no sparks between you or your partner anymore because love is not a requirement to be bonding 24/7, but rather, a commitment.

9. Trust and loyalty is everything, hence you should come clean with any wrongs committed both past and present
I think there is nothing worse than to be extremely committed in a relationship, and then finding out that your partner for example, is a cheater.  My take on people who have cheated in the past is that cheaters will always be cheaters, and for this, it is impossible to restore trust in them that they will not be unfaithful to you.  In saying that, not all people are cheaters, and never will be, but how do you know this?  Prior/after dating, ask your partner’s friends regarding their loyalty towards them and others, if they have done any good or bad deeds in the past, do they respect men/women?  It is highly important you are able to ask yourself questions which need answering, rather than becoming doubtful.  In my opinion, trust and loyalty can come in many forms, and can be shown in different ways (e.g. being able to freely access your partner’s phone (provided you’re not completely invading their privacy of course)).
Don’t: test your partner’s loyalty by hooking them up without their knowledge, get them drunk to see if they would kiss others, or plan out some outrageous ideas because this could potentially hurt their confidence, and even decrease their trust in you.  And ask yourself this, why am I dating them if I don’t trust them?

10. Respect, love, and embrace the physical aspect of the relationship
Please, don’t be afraid to get intimate and sex things up!  Showing love and affection can come in many forms of skin-ship such as cuddling, kissing, touching, and most of all, sex.  The topic of sex can be quite daunting, especially if it’s your first time, but never afraid to say no, and that you’re not ready for that type of commitment/intimacy just yet.  It is also crucial to remember that sex with someone requires consent, protection, and recognising the changes, and impacts it will have on you mentally, physically, and emotionally.

On the flip side, sex can be a great bonding session for those of you who have been engaging in it for quite a while now,  it also helps release any tensions, and really makes you feel more fond of each other – though that is not to say that other forms of affection do not create the same feeling.  There are many ways you can show your love and affection for your partner without the need for sex, and I’ve noticed that many other physical signs of affection can still provide a great feeling and sense of warmth, love, comfort, and security.
Don’t: feel like you are any lesser than your partner just because you are not ready to engage in deeper intimacy.

So here are my 10 tips on how to improve aspects of a relationship, and I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on these tips.  I really value feedback that way it keeps me writing more blog posts, and am planning to do Part 2 to this topic which I can’t wait share with you all! If you enjoyed reading this then please give this post a like, and follow me if you would like to hear more from me 🙂

itsjacey

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